I read a book recently titled; He is just not that into you: the no – excuse truths to understanding guys. Witten by Greg behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I found it a great read and quite revealing.
Here are 10 signs to knowing if a guy is not into you adapted from the book:
1- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Asking You Out: Because If he likes he will ask you out. “Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don’t think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.”
2- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Calling You: Men know how to use the phone. Oh sure, they say they’re busy. They say that they didn’t have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialling it is almost impossible not to call you… If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you. If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
3- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Not Dating You: “Hanging out” is not dating. When you ask someone out on a real bonafide date, you’re making it official: I’d like to see you alone to find out if we have a romantic future together (or at least pretend to listen to you while I ponder whether you’re wearing a thong). In case you need more clues: There’s usually a public excursion, a meal, and some hand-holding involved.
4- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Having Sex with Someone Else: There’s never going to be a good excuse for cheating. Whatever problems you may have been having in your relationship, they didn’t merit him having sex with someone else. Don’t ask what you did wrong. Don’t share the blame. And in case he tells you that it just “happened,” please remember, cheating doesn’t just “happen.” It’s not an accident as in, “Oops, I just slipped and fell into a sexual relationship with someone else.” It was planned and executed with the full knowledge that it could end your relationship.
5- He’s Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants to See You When He’s Drunk: If he likes you, he will want to see you when his judgement isn’t impaired. It doesn’t count unless he says it when he’s sober. An “I Love You” (or any semblance thereof) while under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won’t hold up in court or in life. Drinking and drug use are not a path to one’s innermost feelings. Otherwise people wouldn’t smash empty beer cans against their skulls or stick their fingers in fire to see if they can feel anything. If he only wants to see you, talk to you, have sex with you, etc., when he’s inebriated, it ain’t love—it’s sport. You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t have to get loaded to be around you.
6- He’s Just Not That Into You If He Doesn’t Want to Marry You: Love cures commitment – phobia. Just remember this. Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married or doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married. It just will never be with you. Because he’s not really saying he doesn’t want to get married. He’s saying he doesn’t want to get married to you. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, needy, or “unliberated” for wanting that. So make sure from the start that you pick a guy who shares your views for the future, and if not, move on as quickly as you can. Big plans require big action
7- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Breaking Up with You: Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn’t want you in his life anymore, his sad, wistful “I miss you so much” voice on the other end of the phone? It’s validating. It’s exciting. It’s irresistible. But resist you must. You can’t talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one. There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
8- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Disappeared on You: He’s gone. Poof. Vanished into thin air. Well, there’s no mixed message here. He’s made it clear that he’s so not into you that he couldn’t even bother to leave you a Post-it. This time you may not be so quick to make excuses for his behaviour. It’s so painful, it’s impossible not to be hurt or angry. But because of that, you might be tempted to make some excuses for yourself. You have good reason to want to spend a lot of energy solving the Mystery of the Disappearing Man. But all those excuses, however valid they are, will not help you in the long run. Because the only part of that story that’s important to remember is that he didn’t want to be with you anymore. And he didn’t have the guts to tell you that to your face. Case closed.
9- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s Married: He’s married. Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers. There are cool, loving single men in the world. Find one of them to go out with.
10- He’s Just Not That Into You If He’s a Selfish Jerk, a Bully: “He’s got so much good in him. He really does. I just wish he wouldn’t tell me to shut up all the time.” Yeah, that’s a problem. Try not to ignore it. I know “he’s got so many other great qualities.” That’s why you fell in love with him in the first place. Ask yourself one question only: Is he making you happy? People are complicated. That’s why trying to figure them out is a waste of time. Is he making you happy? I don’t mean some of the time, on rare occasions, not that often, “but the good still outweighs the bad.” Does he make it clear in his actions every day that your happiness is important to him? If the answer is no, cut him loose and go find a man with a higher “good count.”
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