More often than not, the challenges we face in our relationships that sometimes lead to frustrations, break ups and divorces come from poor or ineffective communication. We argue, we never resolve issues, we feel that our partners do not hear us or our partners are always criticizing us and so on.
Strengthening the commitments in love relationships is never always easy, but just like a building never collapses without first showing signs through cracks on the walls; we can stay committed in our relationships if we communicate with each other better.
Below are 8 tips for strengthening our relationships:
Listen: listening is a very important tool we need to have, and to show that we are listening to our partners try repeating their concerns during conversations. This should be done whether or not we tend to agree with what they are saying. Example
you say something like “If I heard you clearly”, or “What you are saying is that…”
Use Pet Names: Love does not always have to expressed by doing big acts, sometimes little means so much to people. Always use pet names when addressing your partners. Show concern and empathy ask questions like “Did you sleep well Sweetie?” “How was work today honey?” pet names create a foundation for intimacy.
Use “I” instead of “You” Statements: Most times when expressing our feelings to our partners we tend to always accuse and refer to our partners by using “You” instead of “I”. We make statements such as “you are so annoying”, “you are so selfish”, “you never listen to me”. Instead of these, we should try “I” statements such as “I feel sad”, “I feel demeaned” and so on when expressing our feelings.
Be Direct: Rather than try to manipulate your partner into meeting your needs, be direct. If you need a kiss or a hug just say “I need a kiss”, or “I need a hug”. Manipulation leads to resistance from our partners.
Stick with the Issue: During an argument some of us tend to dig up the archives and bring out past grievances. We do not stick to the issue at hand, we often say things like “here you go again..” “The other day it was..now it is”…. “you did this a year ago and I forgave you”. Always stick with the issue, do not make a mountain out of a mole hill or turn the argument into a major blow out of whether you still love and trust each other.
Calm Down Before You Get Nasty: During disagreements, it is always best if we take time to cool off rather than respond immediately in that state of anger. Just take a break not that you are leaving the disagreement unresolved, but you come back later when the tension has reduced and nerves calmed. Because responding and reacting to your partner’s words immediately could escalate matters.
Admit When You Are Wrong: often times we let our ego take the better of us. When we are wrong we do not admit it and apologise. We become “cookie thieves”. ( http://globalwebpost.com/farooqm/my_misc/poems/cookie_thief.htm) Let us learn to admit our faults and say sorry for acting in negative ways and also explain why we acted the way we did. Be kind: Dr Wayne Dyer said everyday and every time we always have a choice to be right or to be kind. But we should always choose the path that leads to peace. Choose kindness over your need to be right.