We don’t live alone in this world. We live in companionships, in families, in friendships, in churches, in communities and to do that require our ability to get along with others. Yet there are some of us who complain about the difficulty of getting along with others.
These type of people are very good on their own, and when alone, where no other life comes in contact with theirs, where they are entirely their own master and have to think only of themselves, and where they can have their own way, who yet make most wretched business of living when they come into living with others.
Unfortunately this seems to be the new code in the world today. Too many messages abound that praise and encourage people to be selfish, tyrannical, absorbing, despotic, and wilful. People are being encouraged to not brook suggestions, request or authority. All around us we find people who will not make any compromise, will not yield their own opinions, preferences, or prejudices, will not submit to any inconveniences, or any sacrifice. Continue reading What it Takes to Be in Love→
Are comfort zones really that comfortable? I doubt that! The major reason why we remain in our comfort zones isn’t because where we are is so comfortable, but it is because we are afraid. We are afraid of starting over, afraid of failing, afraid of succeeding, afraid of the time it will take and the energy/money/resources we will expend and therefore we settle for where we are.
But everything in life has a price, even our comfort zones can be very costly in the end. Just like the sad story of a woman who was alledgedly murdered by the husband. As I read that story and the many reactions that have been following it, all I could ask was why didn’t she leave?
Like most Nigerian women I know who are enduring abusive marriages, their response is always, “who will take care of my children when I leave?” But now that she is dead, who will take care of the children? Continue reading Are Comfort Zones Comfortable?→
I visited the home of a senior friend of mine whom I hold in very high esteem once and the behaviour and attitude of his young children really marvelled me. I couldn’t help but imagine how a polite, humble man with good character will raise children that are such opposites of him in terms of their behaviour and attitude.
As I kept pondering on the kids behaviours, I asked myself what could be missing? Obviously the children attend very good schools they have good Christian parents who are working quite hard to provide them a great future, they have house helps and Nannies to attend to them, and just then it occurred to me, that the kids lack a mother.
You see while their mother was in the house, she wasn’t so much in their lives. She loves them care for them, provide for them, but these kids still in their formative years are being raised by the house helps. It then reminded me of the words of an ancient Greek philosopher, who once said, “Give your child to be educated by a slave, and instead of one slave, you will have two.”
I have heard parents react to a child misbehaviour or utterance of a negative word by asking the child, “Who taught you that, because it’s definitely not from me?” children learn through modelling and imitating. They model their gestures, their speech, their habits, their character after those of the people close to them. So if you want your child to have a good character, present him with a good model, and the model that should be constantly before the child is the mother. Continue reading MOTHERS WANTED!→
Does your spouse/partner have to change before you can love them completely? Personally I think not. I believe love should be unconditional, as there isn’t any flawless human out there. And to the guys who are frustrating their spouses/partners out of the relationships by demanding that they change to fit the perfect image of a lady they have in their heads, they could learn a thing or two from Bruno Mars’ song Just the way you are.
When it come to love and loving a lady, there isn’t a one rule fit everyone out there. But while there are many books and articles written over about this topic, there is still a surge in the craving to be loved. In my opinion guys, if you want to learn how to love a woman better, and if your spouse or partner isn’t willing to share with you how she wants you to treat her more lovingly, ask another lady what works.
Here are 8 ways to better love a lady shared by Mary J. Blige multiple award winning American singer, songwriter, model, record producer, and actress. and most importantly, a lady…it may solve that love puzzle of yours and bring back the love you thought you had lost in your relationship:
1. Women need more than material things: Guys this doesn’t mean, you should stop buy them, and spoiling them with the material things that you can afford. It means you shouldn’t think those things can take your place and the time you should spend with her.
2. Women need so much than what a man can say: Most of us guys are cool talkers and charmers with our words. We blow off our ladies with our words only to do the opposite of what we say. Mary J says, don’t talk about it, be about it, let your actions speak more.
3. A woman needs you to make love to her, she needs more than sex.
4. A woman likes to talk and work things out: You will be surprised how much you will accomplish by just spending time and listening to your spouse, laughing at jokes (even though they are terrible). I don’t mean being around her but being absent in your mind and eyes. Women like to talk, and love guys that listen. Continue reading 8 Things Every Woman Needs From Her Man By Mary J Blige→
During a conversation I had with a friend recently, I was asked, should it just be about women? Women be this, be that, do this or that in a relationship or marriage. What about the men don’t they have roles too? This really got me thinking, because truly as the saying goes, it takes two to tango. Men too have roles to play in sustaining their relationships or marriages. We can’t just leave all the changing and doing to women alone!
Every man desires a good wife, but we forget that, as a proverb states, “Good wives and good plantations are made by good husbands.” So you see, your lover, wife is as good as you make them to be. The woman is simply the reflection of her man. Ladies are always told to be subject to the man, to try and please, show love, affection, be caring, be able to take care of their homes and much more. We forget that no matter how skilful a lady is in the area of home making and “man keeping” if the man doesn’t notice, appreciate, contribute, and compliment her, her efforts will be in vain.
Several women today are in want of a man who will reciprocate their love, appreciate their good and their self-sacrifice. Many times especially here in Africa, it is the woman takes care of the home and the entire family, combining that with her businesses and careers, and making sure her keep herself in shape to please the man, and as a reward the man doesn’t even notice these efforts.
I have come to discover that sometimes, when relationships and marriages fail, it isn’t because the woman isn’t doing enough, but some men are just so difficult to please. Nothing, no amount of work or sacrifice a lady does is ever enough. They go about finding faults in all things. There are selfish husbands who go about amusing themselves with friends, without giving their women any chance. But does it ever occur to such “Egyptian taskmasters” that all work and no play is quite as bad for women as for men? Continue reading Not Just For The Woman. Men Have Roles Too→
1. He loves his wife sacrificially. (John 12:24)
2. He diligently seeks to understand his wife. (1 Peter 3:7)
3. He lovingly teaches her the truth of God’s word, both overtly and through his conduct. (Ephesians 5:25‐27)
4. He is concerned about the spiritual well being of his wife and prays for her on a regular basis. (Colossians 4:2) He does not rule over his wife or family; he is there to serve even as he leads. (Mark 10:45)
5. He takes seriously his responsibility to shepherd his family knowing that he must give an account to the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
6. He listens attentively to his wife to grow in his knowledge of her. (Proverbs 31:11)
7. He treats his wife with gentleness and understanding at all times. (1 Peter 3:7)
8. He places the interests of his wife above his own. (Philippians 2:3‐5)
9. He is self‐controlled, kind, humble, and not easily angered. (Galatians 5:22‐23)
10. He is not ruled by alcohol or other forms of intoxication. (Proverbs 20:1)
11. He does not indulge in ungodly passions; instead he disciplines his body to bring it under God’s authority. (Galatians 5:24)
12. He is ruled by Christ and places himself completely under His authority. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
13. He is not wise in his own eyes but relies on the wisdom of God as revealed in His word. (Proverbs 26:12; Psalm 1) Continue reading 23 Biblical Qualities of a Good Husband→
Why do relationships and marriages fail? It amazes me how a couple that can’t take their eyes off each other, will suddenly now can’t stand each other. While there are many different reasons as to why most relationships and marriages end, here are 11 “Marriage killers” shared by D. James Dobson, Relationship expert and Author of many books including, “Love for a lifetime”:
1. Over commitment and physical exhaustion. Beware of this danger. It is especially insidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house and start a business at the same time. It sounds ridiculous, but many young couples do just that and are surprised when their marriage falls apart. Why wouldn’t it? The only time they see each other is when they are worn out! It is especially dangerous to have the husband vastly overcommitted and the wife staying home with a preschooler. Her profound loneliness builds discontent and depression, and we all know where that leads. You must reserve time for one another if you want to keep your love alive.
2. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent. We’ve said it before: Pay cash for consumable items or don’t buy. Don’t spend more for a house or car than you can afford, leaving too few resources for dating, short trips, baby sitters and so on. Allocate your funds with the wisdom of Solomon.
3. Selfishness. There are two kinds of people in the world, the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker. But two takers can claw each other to pieces within a period of six weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time.
4. Interference from in-laws. If husbands or wives have not been full emancipated from their parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers (and fathers) to grant, and close proximity is built for trouble.
5. Unrealistic expectations. Some couples come into marriage anticipating rose-covered cottages, walks down primrose lanes, and uninterrupted joy. Counsellor Jean Lush believed, and I agree, that this romantic illusion is particularly characteristic of American women who expect more from their husbands than they are capable of delivering. The consequent disappointment is an emotional trap. Bring your expectations in line with reality.
6. Space invaders. This killer will be difficult to describe or understand in such a brief context, but I’ll try. By space invaders, I am not referring to aliens from Mars. Rather, my concern is for those who violate the breathing room needed by their partners, quickly suffocating them and destroying the attraction between them. Jealousy is one way this phenomenon manifests itself. Another is low self-esteem which leads the insecure spouse to trample the territory of the other. Love must be free and it must be confident. Continue reading 11 Relationships and Marriage Killers→
Are you successful? What does success mean to you? To many of us, being successful means a great job or business (financial freedom), a nice car or cars, a house in a great neighbourhood, being able to travel to exotic locations, etc.
All these are good, but what about your family? How strong is your family relationship? You may not have all the money in the world, but if you have a great family relationship, I consider you successful. In this life, only a few people have managed to be truly successful without a positive, supportive family. You see, no matter what you have accomplished in life; how many jets, yachts, cars, houses, companies you own, or how much is in your bank account, you still lack something if none of these things benefit your family.
Like a wise man once noted, “a good family helps you know your purpose and develop your potential, and it helps you enjoy the journey along the way with an intensity that isn’t possible otherwise.” Some of us maybe our family don’t support us. And that could be because we do not carry them along. While others outside benefit from our generosity and gestures, our families don’t. We forget that charity begins at home. So folks if you have been blessed to have been successful but you’ve neglected to carry your family along, it’s time you have a rethink. Get your family to benefit too! Continue reading Are You Successful?→